It's been a year that has changed all my days.
It's been a year and I've grown strong in so many ways.

i thought of us.


i knew what to expect during the night expedition, to meet my old "friends".
1am..2am..3am..4am..5am... reminds me of how it all was just a year ago.
insomnia days. tiring, but somehow i found myself having gotten used to it.
yes, and the only solution to insomnia is really really to being super active.
i've learnt, that if i was active in the morning, the night would be easier.
i'd just lie on my bed and before my brain starts "generating ideas",
darkness.silence.motionless. i'd fall asleep within minutes.

as i held hands with the friend, i made sure my hand was on top.
not because i am used to it, but i really just cant brave myself to put it below.
no, it is not because i still hold any feelings for you. i dont feel anything anymore.
instead, it just bring me memories of how i was once so comfortable,
walking by your side, feeling so protected by you.

at the helix bridge, i remember how we took a photo there, that night.
i still remember how the picture looks like. you were in green, and i, pink.
what got the tears flowing is not that i wish we were back together again.
i was simply upset how we used to be so close, so blissful...

right at the marina bay sands, i looked up at saw the stars in the night sky,
there were 2 stars.. and i remember i counted about 14 that night.
up on the top of yishun hill, while i sat on the swing with you beside me, that night.
that night will never come back ever again. no matter how hard i try.

it all felt so surreal. as if that happy time of my life i was simply made up.
i really hate it when i look at us and realise the growing distance between us.
it takes two hands to clap. i'll never forget that silence the last time we met.
i still remember how i braved myself to finish my food and hold back my tears.
silence. if silence could kill, i swear i'd have died a terrible death.

i've lived a year without you. sometimes, i wonder how i've done it.
i dont feel as if im living on this world. i feel no warmth, no happiness..
sigh, nothing. but above it all, what hurts me the most is the thought
that we were once so close, but now... we're just.. nothing.

it's been a year..
"hi stranger."

AB CAMP tomorrow, and im here at 11:11pm LOL
not really sleepy. or at least i am just too tired to even sleep.

lets start with the happier stuff at work today.
met loads of people that i know :D really, awesome!
first shaowei sanyong then jason, nicholas, kelly :D
it's so cool to meet people i know.

today i 'visited' different spots around my workplace
the rock, the tower. realised that the scenery at safra pool is really AWESOME :D
at the night, it really is just pretty..
i remember the saturday nights with kevin hussein and roy.
we'd just "workout" :D stretch about, walk and jump around :D
miss those saturday nights.. under the dim lights and beautiful water lights
ah, it's a MUST to swim at night at safra yishun okay, too nice :D
stretched and went walking around, and i was like working out on my own LOL
in the end i just jumped into the water for a quick swim. 10laps less than 15mins.
HAHAHA, that means im really really fast :DD and i stopped abit also!


okay, that's all for the happy stuff

sad stuff.. idk how to say out
SO BYE!

goign away for camp, dont miss me too much ya? :D

starting this post with a lighter heart, feeling rather awesome right now.
still remember how it felt to be rushing from place to place every odd day
monday, wednesday, friday, 6-9pm, i'd be rushing to venues,
somehow, little things in this course have given me a really different feeling.

im a person who is often fashionably late, except for school, about 15mins.
and this course actually let me know how good it felt to be on time
will never forget how it felt to write 5:59pm on the paper.
it's like "PHEW!" they got no excuse to say im late HURHUR XD

i went for the course, starting without knowing anyone.
remembering how i felt so inferior when everyone was of some background
eg, lifesaving team, competitors, coaches, so on and so forth
everyone had a field that they were good at, and i? none.
perhaps i do have my own little field, but no.
all everyone thought was that im a jc girl who'd do extremely well for theory
and i have this "wisdom" shirt that i wear during test dates. HAHA

only towards the end when i was more in my group, i found some friends
ECHO :DD though i really im sorry i still dont know most of your names
10 of us, so it's me evan weihao weiqiang yilong yongkang everlyn william
*thinks hard* marcus and.. oops, i really dont know his name.
but i know he's the guy who is very soft spoken and rather tall and slim
and his pool presentation topic was casualty recognition.
yes, people, you guys are SIMPLY AWESOME :DD ECHO!

remembering how tiring it is when you step into a room with it's still bright outside
and then with the blink of an eye you realised on the way you're out that it's.. DARK
remember how i felt a setback on the day of my pool presentation.
never expected myself to be presenting so badly.
and i was still sian over it last night but everyone said i was rather okay.
hmm, comforting? perhaps, or i was really just okay.
whatever it is, i am prepared to go back for a presentation retest.
UNLESS i really overestimated myself and i failed either theory or skills test.
which i really dont think is the case cause i believe i can scrape a 70% for both. :/

just as you're getting used to such a life, you realised that "HEY! that's the end!"
as debrief went on last and the lights all off one by one, i was feeling so happy.
first of all, wednesday i NEED NOT GO ANYMORE,
but that doesnt mean im free anyway, i've still got work XD
secondly, no more travelling to kallang! :D
though i'll miss those times where we were drowned in the lectures, :O

4 weeks, it all passed by so quickly.
that's the end of the 25th lifesaving instructor course.
those no-lunch-then-dinner-at-4-plus-reach-home-at-11-with-no-supper days,
really, tiring, hardcore, but fun, memorable.
friendships formed, but ahem, we didnt get closer :/

i feel so lifeless, and life is being pointless.
im once again back to life it was a year ago, bottling up everything.
i wish i had more courage, i wish i had more strength.

havent been blogging for a very long time. i mean type a proper post.
term 2 has finally ended. really thankful that it has come to an end.
although i know better than anyone else that my holidays are normally busier.
but i really am happy and thankful that the holidays are here.

at this point of time, i really feel so burnt out. had a very busy term.
at the first half of the term, i had CCA 3 days a week,
then it became 4 days a week, all the way till concert was over.
when concert was over, 25th lifesaving instructor course started.
it was 3 days a week and now i am still in the midst of the course.
after course next week, it's the start of AB Camp.
-TOTALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO POST ABCAMP RIGHT NOW-

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/burnout_signs_symptoms.htm :O
okay lah. im just feeling like a superwoman. vernon say is 女强人.
like i wonder how i do it sometimes. i've fought the tiredness for a term.
roads were looking very tempting last night. really really wanted to just stop.
stop right there, in the middle of the road and sit down. heck the cars
okay i sound like im suicidal :O

everything is going so badly right now.
and im gonna give myself time to sort everything out
pack my stuff, organise my stuff, read my papers, letters.. RAWR.
after which im gonna start chionging for my MYCT.

basically, LIFE SUCKS.
i really cant think of any awesome part of my life that's going well right now





sigh. i sound so pathetic complaining. #growup

okay, i just need to rant and get this off my chest.
then i'll go finish up chem differentiation. and study vectors.

SWIMMING: my passion, that i suck majorly at.
got tekan like mad by my coach today. really.

so disappointed with myself.

hmm, where's the rant?
good question. i deleted it all. LOL